Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Surprise! (Hangover......)

Most people either love or hate surprises. I'm one of those weirdos who is in between. I'm a bit of a control freak, so going on "mystery dates" and such aren't really my thing, because I hate being unprepared for any situation, but on the other hand I think life is one giant surprise, so of course I enjoy a surprise gift, phone call or even full blown party now and again.

I had never been acquainted with the surprise hangover before. But on Friday I had the pleasure (or lack there of) of being introduced. As one can imagine the surprise hangover follows the "surprise I'm drunk and that wasn't my intention" of the previous evening.

I am writing this post with the intention of preventing you from experiencing your own "surprise hangover." If you experience any of the following, you should stop the behavior immediately and seek, um, higher grounds?

Starting the night off with an extremely dull meet up at The Top
Consuming Sweetwater Happy Ending (Imperial Stout- 9% a/v) on an empty stomach
Seeking Refuge with two fabulous women at Stubbies
Consuming Old Rasputin (Another Imperial- 9% a/v)
Finally ordering Goulash for dinner
Burning your tongue on said Goulash
Sending inappropriate texts to the guy you are dating
Ordering Old Chub (Scottish Ale, 8% a/v)
Sending more texts to said boy, begging to meet up (classy, I know)
Drinking some water (obvs not enough!)
Meeting sexy, and oh so tolerant of your escapades, boy at park
Commencing with drunken make out session under a tree
Getting leaves stuck in your hair (he will help remove them, of course)
Swearing you are fine to drive, of course
Starting the 45min drive home....realize 15mins in you aren't fine to drive, of course
Having no other option, as it is a Thursday and you have to go to work tomorrow
Drunk Dialing your NC BFF and begging her to talk to you so you can make it home
Somehow unlocking the door to the house
Crashing into bed
Attempting to send text to boy and bestie that you are home "safe"
Failing at both said texts
Waking up at 3:30am and chugging water
Sleeping through alarm
Waking up by the miracle of the Hangover Gods at 6am
Dragging pissed off body to shower and wash your stupid head
Chugging hot tea
Limping into work
Grimacing some semblance of a smile at your students
Suffering, because you are retarded
Giggling regardless, because DAMN that was a GOOD night!

And in case you are more of a visual person:
Happy Ending

Old Rasputin


Old Chub

(I'll leave the rest up to your imagination, thank you very much)

Now before you go lecturing me for my antics on a "school" night, well, just save your breath. I know, I know I was a bad girl and frankly I scared myself. Usually I know when I've had enough, but this time I was like, "oh no, I only had THREE beers and I ate dinner, I'm fine!" I messed up the equation though, by having all high gravity beers and not eating until the 2nd beer, but I've learned my lesson. Trust me, being hungover with a classroom of hyper children (thankfully it was field day, so I just had good kids hanging out with me, finishing the scrapbook for BETA and watching movies.... so really I was off the hook) and then driving to Orlando for a Dashboard Confessional show that night-still hungover! sheesh!- was punishment enough.

Live and Learn!

Love to all,
~the alkie in the making, Jess


Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips

hahaha. Jess you are too funny!

~Amber S.

Small Town Girl said... Best Blogger Tips

No pictures of the drunken makout?! Sheesh!

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